In honour of International Children’s Day – June 1st.

How often do any of us stop to think that doing the job of a parent is how children become adults who protect and take care of their own children in their turn? 

Being a parent is about being an adult who is able to commit to the care of a child, long-term if possible.  Even small doses of being in the presence of a caring, committed adult will make all the difference to the life of a child.  Perhaps we need to remember to ask ourselves some questions. For example: Do our children have homes where they are safe from willful harm? Do we stop our children from inflicting willful harm on others? Do our children have safe spaces in which to play? Do we delight in each child who comes into our particular life? Parents are so often rushed off their feet with long hours at work or travelling back and forth, with the strain of making ends meet or with the frantic pursuit of activities believed to be in the best interests of the child.

Have we forgotten what childhood is all about?

Childhood is first and foremost a time where there is protection from harm and where within that 'ring' of protection there is opportunity for growth. The smallest minutiae of daily life provide opportunities to acquire new skills and experiences .  "Look, now I can jump" the child who is trying on new skills and delighting in the mastery of it, will call for an acknowledgment from a nearby adult. "Yes, you can! Good for you" is all that is needed to tell the child that he is growing 'right' and we are delighting in him.  Similarly, home is a place where comfort can be found for being tired and hungry or not feeling well, for being afraid of the dark or the dog up the road. Comforting a child is about recognising how she feels about whatever it is, holding her close even for a minute or two and allowing her to remain nearby and recover at her own pace- even while you work.

It seems that nowadays the pressure is on parents to work almost all of the time and to get children to be task orientated almost all of the time, too. Of course the house has to be cleaned and the supper cooked, preparation to be made for tomorrow and so on. But perhaps there is a way of getting it all done at the same time as 'being there' whatever that might mean for each of us?

Some time set aside in the busy week's schedule for play or reading to the child is very valuable indeed.  But just as important is including the child in the daily doings at home or letting the child play alongside - with some sort of dialogue that is not necessarily about tasks. 'well, this should taste good, I'll just add a little salt, there that's better. I wonder whether grandpa will feel well enough to have some.' It might also encourage the child to verbalise his play- adding to its enjoyment and extending it in his imagination.  Because play IS what childhood is about.

Much of play needs to be free and unstructured. Someone once said; "if you are telling the child what to do, it is not play". Play is up to the child and it is up to the child to let us in or let his siblings in more likely. Children engrossed in a game (of their own making) are children fully entered into their childhood.  It is hard for a healthy child to leave his play to come in and get on with homework, bath and bed all of which can so easily become a battlefield.

How do we get the child to cooperate without hurting, threatening or frightening him? By being matter-of-fact and staying on the job eg fetch him (don't just call). Stay alongside but let him get on with it. Bring him back when he wanders off.  Affirmation, affection and injections of fun oil the works as any parent knows. But do we take time to do it?

Parenting is about every day life. Parents need to think about what they are doing and they need support in this all-important task. So that each of us can contribute in real terms to the creation of a violence free society.

This page is brought to you by The Parent Centre, a non profit organisation whose mission is to promote the well-being and self-esteem of the whole child, parent and caregiver in order to prevent child abuse, victimisation and neglect and encourage the establishment of a loving, nurturing familial environment that strengthens the family and society.
By promoting positive parenting, The Parent Centre enables parents, guardians, caregivers and teachers to facilitate the healthy emotional development of the child and enhance the child’s capacity to be resilient, caring, competent & creative members of society.
If you have any questions about parenting, feel free to ask The Parent Centre and they will assist you as best they can.