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We’re all tired of hearing about the things mothers and fathers do wrong, so we asked the experts what today’s parents can be proud of.
1.We know how important we are.
An increasing number of parents are enquiring about what to do to improve their parenting skills. They are aware of the importance of their input, not only when their children are little, but even when their children reach their twenties. There is also a noticeable increase in the number of fathers attending sessions. Fathers used to number 2 out of 15 workshop participants, and now there are 4 or 5 at each session.
2.We listen.
Many parents are showing a strong desire to understand why children behave the way they do. We’re willing to learn how to manage each child’s temperament and want to improve communication. One way to do this is to listen when your child expresses strong feelings like anger and frustration. By taking children’s feelings seriously we build up their self-esteem. Books such as "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, give parents clear guidelines on how to improve communication with their children.
3.We cry.
For many people raised by parents who thought children should be seen and not heard, expressing their feelings can be very difficult. Nowadays, many parents are not afraid to show their feelings in front of their children, which teaches them that it’s okay to feel sad or angry as well as happy. A mother of 3 young children and 4 older stepchildren suggests spending time each day talking to your children about your own day instead of only asking them about theirs. "By talking about what you’ve done and how you are feeling, you encourage discussion which can lead your child to talk more about her own feelings".
4.We laugh.
When asked what they thought parents were doing right, a few pre-schoolers shared the following: Moms reading stories, building houses out of cushions; Dads playing soccer when he comes from work, playing cricket during the weekend; Moms and Dads helping with homework, taking them for walks with the dogs, painting and drawing with them, taking them on holidays. One little one summed it up by saying "I love being with my mom and dad". (Quality time can come in many forms)
5.We never stop parenting.
Most parents continue to give their emotional and financial support to their children regardless of their age. One mother thought that she had had enough on her hands with her 3 children. However when her daughter, in her late teens, fell pregnant, the mother did not hesitate in giving her her full support. Mum remembered when she had been in a similar situation, and her mother had chased her out of the house. She could not conceive of doing this as she knews that her daughter needed her and that one should not punish a baby for being born.
6.We hug.
Watch parents dropping off their childre at school and you’ll see moms and dads giving their child a hug and kiss as they say goodbye. A generation ago, parents, especially fathers, were far more formal when it came to showing affection.
7.We think twice about smacking.
More and more parents are realising that discipline isn’t the same thing as punishment. Children need to know that their parents are in charge, but that they can look to them for guidance without fear of physical punishment. By hitting a child you are teaching him to express anger through violence, and sending him the message that it’s okay to hit somebody who is smaller than himself. Discipline should rather be equated with teaching, as the root of the word "discipline" is disciple - one who learns.
8.We are flexible.
From what cereal to eat in the morning to which outfit to wear, we allow our children to have more say in how they spend their day. Giving a range of daily choices encourages them to develop a sense of independence and teaches them how to choose wisely and anticipate consequences. By offering a choice, a parent can also avoid trouble such as a temper tantrum when a child feels forced to do something he doesn’t want to do. Setting reasonable limits shows children that we are concerned about their safety, but we also want them to have a good time. While they’ll push their luck when it comes to curfews for example, teenagers expect their parents to set some rules. As one teenager said "Some of my friends have parents who are too strict, while others are too lenient. My parents seem to get it right".
9.We encourage our children
Parents are more inclined to encourage their children and look for their strengths rather than focus on their mistakes. "The One-Minute Mother" by Spencer Gordon reminds parents to "catch their children doing something good" and praise them for it, rather than only commenting when their child does something wrong.
10.We share ideas
By getting together, formally or informally, parents can share insights about parenting issues. A mother who has been meeting a group of friends once a week since their children were babies, has found this a very constructive way to deal with parenting problems, for example, sharing a common issue, consulting and coming up with guidelines with which all are happy.
Contributors: Parent Centre; FAMSA; Children’s Studio and individual parents.
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This page is brought to you by The Parent Centre, a non profit organisation whose mission is to promote the well-being and self-esteem of the whole child, parent and caregiver in order to prevent child abuse, victimisation and neglect and encourage the establishment of a loving, nurturing familial environment that strengthens the family and society.
By promoting positive parenting, The Parent Centre enables parents, guardians, caregivers and teachers to facilitate the healthy emotional development of the child and enhance the child’s capacity to be resilient, caring, competent & creative members of society.
If you have any questions about parenting, feel free to ask The Parent Centre and they will assist you as best they can.
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