The pack provides the transition from all social interactions taking place with the parents or parental figures, towards relationships which are independent of the parents altogether.
Most teenagers need to move in a pack. What many parents do not understand however, is that the pack cannot survive in the wild without the adults - at all times - setting up the boundaries within which their young can safely roam.
Putting boundaries in place for each and every new event takes nothing less than total commitment and mutual cooperation on the part of the parents, as well as an open style of communication with their children. Where the relationship between teenager and parent is warm and trusting, this process will mostly be one of interest and enthusiasm, but even then there will be conflict at times. Dealing with conflict is an important part of any process. Feelings need to be acknowledged on both sides and negotiations put into practice, or if non-negotiable (e.g. driving without a licence) the parent needs to stay in charge.

Where the relationship is strained, the process can become somewhat tortuous, but never in vain. It results in responsibility, mutual respect and the growing ability to make creative and competent choices.
To follow the analogy above of the young in a pack, so many young wonder slowly, or bolt suddenly, through the gap into the danger of the wild where their skills are not yet sufficiently developed to keep them (or others) safe. The tragedy of bodily damage or death is not as uncommon as we would all like to believe. Many of us know of, or have experienced it as having happened to children close to us. It is, of course, something that one never gets over. Very often it is quite accidental, but sometimes perhaps the circumstances lacked protection.
Getting lost is the other fate of roaming free too soon. Some of these young are eventually found emaciated and exhausted along the way. There is a long road of recovery ahead of them before they can risk setting out again. Finding one’s way next time is always more difficult when development has been delayed.
There are two major ways in which children get lost - withdrawal or acting out. Extreme forms of acting out include running away, leaving school, taking to promiscuity, drugs, abuse of alcohol or criminal behaviour. Withdrawal is more subtle and often undetected. It is to be seen when several of the following occur over a period of time; lack of purpose, procrastination, negativism, part or total social isolation, sleeping excessively or an inability to sleep, eating too much or not nearly enough. (Be careful not to confuse this with the introverted child who may prefer some solitude and one-to-one interactions. The difference would be that he or she is likely to be pursuing particular interests or even a passion at his or her own pace.)

Lets get back to boundaries to protect and promote their development from dependent child to an independent young adult. How is it done? It is done by knowing who our children are, which requires us to have spent time with them while we had the chance in family outings and activities, shared tasks and daily conversation so that we can track their likes and dislikes, what is hard for each one of them and what comes easily, what excites and what scares them (we need not intrude into their privacy spatially or emotionally).
It is also done by taking the time to be as informed as possible about what is out there. Network with other parents, attend school and local functions, and seek advice or professional help if you are uncertain. Childhood is short and teen years even shorter. It is all about NOW. Waiting for the child to grow out of withdrawal or acting out means the childhood will pass and we will have lost our chance.
I imagine there are parents reading this who are thinking that it all sounds like molly-coddling and are wondering what as happened to adventure and hardship and self-reliance, as well they might! Hardship is there in the disguised form of divorce, emotional neglect, material compensation, unrealistic expectations, even alienation and despair. Adventure is made up of shared experiences, modelling by parents and mentors, opportunities that life throws up all the time or affluence can provide, so that from the tender age of 18 onwards, the young may be equipped to leave the fences behind and begin their own journey across the plains.

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If you have any questions about parenting, feel free to ask The Parent Centre and they will assist you as best they can.